Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize