Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
