I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
