false alarm. still invincible.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
