So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
