i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
