I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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