so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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