He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
