took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize