my soul wont recognize me after tonight
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i think i have two assholes
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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