It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
