I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
