I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
