Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Define "chronic" masturbator.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
