If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize