Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I love you. Go after that dick
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
