I accidentally had phone sex last night
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
