More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
