I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
