Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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