a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
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