If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
