All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize