HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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