you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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