First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
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