My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
