Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
