You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
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