how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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