So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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