NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
