A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
