Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
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