I must be too annoying 4 u.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
