Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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