based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
