He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize