i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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