i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Randomize
