I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
