I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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