conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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