I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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