So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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