Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
