Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Randomize
