Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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