you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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