This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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