White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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