Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Randomize
