just come out here and I will go home with you...
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
