mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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