Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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