can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
