The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
