next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
