Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
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