Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
