We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
