my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
