I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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