im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
