Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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