so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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