Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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