Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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