Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
